Retaking Exams - The Thoughts of a Repeat Failure

If you were wondering where I was over the past 1 year, I was busy retaking an exam (repeatedly) that I have been miserably failing. I keep walking into the same exam hall (even when I have no memory of ever registering for the exam!), to take this test and walk out feeling disappointed with myself. Do you remember the thoughts you have had toward tough subjects back in school/college? Some subjects come across as 'never worth preparing for' because 'you are going to fail anyway'. 

This exam of mine is for a class that pretty much everyone has to take in God's School of Faith. It is called An Introduction to Persistent Prayer 101. 

(I bet some of you are like - "Oh that is one of my favorite classes!") Others (like me), are brought back to the same beginner level over and over again because somehow the lessons learned last time do not seem to stick. 

If you reflect back on the prayers you have prayed in the past, will you be able to put a time duration between Request First Placed & Answer Delivered? What was your average waiting time like? Was the amount of time invested in prayer proportionate to the value of the answer when you received it?

My main struggle is in being persistent or consistent in prayer. We live in a fast-paced world that offers everything with a click and a swipe. We do not have to go to the post office anymore, thanks to door-to-door delivery. It is natural (but not immutable) that we expect God to answer our "drive-through" prayers that we hope to pay for (or invest in) without reaching for our time wallets. 

But what is the longest we have stuck to an earnest prayer (with or without fasting) routine (like Daniel did for 21 days in Daniel chapter 10)? Are we falling into a hope & despair cycle, harboring bitterness against a God who seems silent today? 

Apostle Paul said he considers his life worth nothing, if only he may finish the race and complete the task Christ gave him - the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace. (Acts 20:24) How many times have we prayed for things that make our life worth living? We idolize the things we do not have. We believe that our life is wasting away as long as the desires (even God-given desires) of our hearts remain unfulfilled. We live discontented lives, watching God "actively" answering prayers everywhere else.

A thought that I recently read in "My Utmost For His Highest" by Oswald Chambers reminded me of the man who persistently bugged his friend in the middle of the night, for some loaves of bread to serve his guest. (Luke 11:5-8). The friend appears uncaring, but because of this man's persistence he eventually helps him out. Our heavenly Father often comes across as an unkind friend - but remember, He is not.  The time will come when everything will be explained. But till then, will God find the kind of faith that counts on Him in spite of the confusion?

So, the question is not only 'How long have you been praying?', but also 'How well have you been praying?'. Stand firm in the faith dear friend, believing that what Jesus said is true, although in the meantime you do not understand what God is doing. Much like the mother of Zebedee's sons requested of Jesus - often, we do not really know what we are asking Him for. (Matt 20:22)

#Martha

A Letter to the 20 year old me....

Dear 20 year old me,

I hope you are doing well as you read this letter today. I am older now, with over 10 years of experiences and Gods daily saving grace that has made me who I am today. I hope I will inspire you to re-prioritize your life well with a few of these gentle reminders...

My dear… 10 years from now,

It will matter that you kept in touch with your Sunday school friends because they are the ones you grew up with, who know you the most, saw you at your worst, shared in your dreams, hopes and even pledged allegiance to your friendship. Remember it is possible to become a true loyal friend - “the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself.” 1 Samuel 18:1

 It will matter that you chose your new friends at college wisely, because by the time you

graduate you would have imbibed every ounce of each other and it would be quite unpleasant if they were nasty people with crude language and a rude sense of humor. “He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will suffer harm” Proverbs 13:20

It will matter that you chose not to cheat or copy for exams, because if you cannot be faithful over the little things (like facing the consequences of failing an exam) then how will you face the bigger challenges of faithfulness in paying taxes, your insurance, credit card bills and loans. “He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very little thing is unrighteous also in much.” Luke 16:10.

 As lonely as it might turn out, it will matter that you waited for the right guy/girl to show up in God’s perfect timing, that you waited to know the person first and his/her commitment to your Lord Jesus before you became emotionally attached. I found this write up quite helpful: https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/wait-to-date-until-you-can-marry

 It will not matter 10 years from now that people constantly put you down for not choosing the right career or course. If you have managed to academically excel and find peace in the path that God has chosen for you, then that is all you need. Remaining open to His will is all that counts. “Thus says the Lord, “Stand by the ways and see and ask for the ancient paths, Where the good way is, and walk in it; And you will find rest for your souls.” Jeremiah 6:16.

It will not matter who topped the Sunday school class on the number of memory verses or the final exam because if you cannot apply a single truth or do not agree with what you were taught there then you have learnt nothing at all. So, ask all the questions now rather than memorizing all the “right” answers, because the world you face (once you step out of the house), is going to add to all the confusion and chaos.

It will not matter that you were the most active person in your college fellowship, the one who initiated every prayer or gospel meeting or attended the most number of Bible studies – if your personal quiet time with the Lord was affected at every count, then you have chosen to be a Martha rather than Mary. “There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:42.

10 years from now you will realize that you wasted a lot of time wondering where you will be in 10 years.... So take one day at a time, enjoy your walk with the Lord and do not forget to keep an eye out for your brother/sister in Christ. Keep your selfishness in check and guard your heart fiercely for the days ahead are indefinitely evil.

Yours in His service,

#Martha

Are You Still Running?

So, there is this race.

A 400m sprint. To win this race you have to follow the rules:

1) You have to run within your marked track. No shortcuts

2) To finish this race, you have to reach the finish line. If an athlete fails to reach the finish line, he gets no credit even if he ran faster than the winner. 

So how can you win this race??

• Follow the rules and try not to get disqualified (obviously)
• No matter what, reach the finish line. (because whether fast or slow, the whole point is to complete the race)
• Throw away and avoid anything that is going to slow you down or make you fall. (Tie your shoelaces, watch out for stones or ditches, wear comfortable clothes....)

These are the things you need to do ON track...

Ever imagined what has to be done OFF track?

• Daily exercises
• Good diet (all the obvious and very important things!)

Let us go one or two steps ahead and imagine this is the Olympics.. 

You are training for the ultimate 400m sprint in World history..

Now, what else will you do to make sure you will win?

• I know I would find myself a professional trainer (if i do not have one already)
• I would surround myself with people who are competing for similar races (you know, check out the competition!)
• I would Google the details of all those who have run this race before me in the previous years. People who won medals. People who lost. I would try and find all that there is to know about them - how they trained, what were the difficulties they faced, why they lost- everything. (I might even Youtube their previous races and watch every move they made on their most crucial day)

Can you think of some more ways to "get ahead of this game"?

Hebrews 12:1

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,.."

We are all running a race, a spiritual one - where we look ahead to a finish line that is the Ultimate purpose of God in our lives of faith. Think about all those points we just discussed:

• Following all the race rules 
• Keeping our spiritual body fit with daily feeding from the Living Word of God
• Have good spiritual "Trainers" or Mentors who will guide you to do well
• Surround yourself with people running similar races like your own - Not so that you can be better than them, but so that you can always be encouraged to keep running.
• Learn about all those sprinters who have finished this race ahead of you.. because they form the great cloud of witnesses today who proved that God is eternally faithful, even when we are not. Read about their victories, their failures and how they overcame in the end from the Bible.
• Watch out for every obstacle or hindrance that might come in your way.. Throw away anything that will slow you down or make you fall..

At this point, let us wonder about ourselves..

How long has it been since I started this race? How many years since I began running? 

Am I still running the same race I started 10 or 15 years back? Or am I running another one now?

Am I still running?

I have a message for all those who are in this race..

For all those who have either stopped or slowed down..

"THE RACE IS NOT OVER YET"

Did you notice that the whole point in running this race is to reach the finish line? It's not about whether you came first or not. It is about whether you are still running this race.

Everyone starts out well.. Christian life and testimony all blessed to begin with. The joy of sitting in His presence so satisfying that nothing else matters. But over time, we slow down. We fall. If we choose to give up at this point, we will fail to reach the full purpose of Him who created us. There is no credit if you gave up on this race halfway through.

So, will we win this race, even if we fall?

Yes we will. As long you keep running and reach that finish line - YOU WILL WIN.

Let us consider the different hindrances and sins that affect us in this race, so that we can be more alert of what is happening around us today. All sins are hindrances but not all hindrances are sin. Actually, all hindrances might eventually lead to sin.

Our practical list of sins are easy to identify, like black and white - A few examples: Lying to superiors at work or lying to parents or children, cheating in exams or with money, stealing, envying people around us, coveting what they have, pride of being part of a good Christian family or heritage, - to round it all up - Lust of the flesh, Lust of the eyes and the Pride of life..  

These things are never going to get you to that Finish line.

What could the hindrances be? I came up with a list of my own - 

• A 'workaholic' attitude (being too busy to simply focus on a higher purpose in life or to look ahead to that finish line),
• Loving family or friends more than God Himself (so much that you change tracks and start running in directions that they want you to run, instead of what He has planned for you to do),
• Fear of death, sickness, failures (simply wondering if it will be all worth it in the end)...

I am sure with a lot of reflecting you can come up with some of your own too..

Now, what is the first reaction to tripping and falling in real life? 

Anyone who falls will always look around first to see if there were any witnesses to the embarrassing event. At least if the person is conscious and not in too much pain! Then comes the choice to whether get up from the ground or not..  

Even in our spiritual life, we do not want others to see or hear of our falls.

Our failures. Sometimes, we choose to pretend it never happened, even with God. 

Psalm 32:3-5  

"When I kept silent, my bones wasted away

through my groaning all day long.

For day and night your hand was heavy on me;

my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.

Then I acknowledged my sin to you

and did not cover up my iniquity.

I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.”

And you forgave the guilt of my sin."

The joy of forgiveness can be experienced only in true confession that comes with a commitment not to continue in sin.

Psalm 32:1,2

"Blessed is the one

    whose transgressions are forgiven,
    whose sins are covered.

Blessed is the one
    whose sin the Lord does not count against them
    and in whose spirit is no deceit."

1 John 1:10

"If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us."

But read this verse that is more familiar to us:

1 John 1:9

" If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

God wants to forgive us. He offered His Son- Jesus Christ on that cross, to die instead of us just so that He could offer us pardon. He has forgiven every sin on that Calvary Cross so that He could have us for His own.

But if Christ has already forgiven us, then why should we keep confessing our sins to Him?

• Every time we confess, we "take sides with God", we recognize our sin as truly sin and we show that we are willing to turn away from it.
• With every confession we clear all the dark clouds of sin so that the Joy of being in the 'warm sunlight' presence of our God becomes more attractive to us. (Psalm 51:12 "Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.")
• It helps us to recognize our tendency to sin and rely on more on His power to overcome it. Sinning is always a possibility for a child of God, not a necessity.

Let me encourage you with these words..

1 Corinthians 1:8-9 "He will also keep you firm to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, who has called you into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord."

Philippians 1:6 "being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

Our God is faithful, and He will always continue to be faithful.

"Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. “Make level paths for your feet,” so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed."

Hebrews 12:12-13

Let us get up from where we have fallen today. Let us strengthen our weak arms and legs so that we can run this race to the finish. 

The race is not over yet.

Keep running :)

#Martha

Don't Fall for Pride.. Pride Goes Before Another Fall..

We all love compliments. Whether it be about our clothes, new hairdo, new car or even if it's about our character, personality - every person enjoys being appreciated for who they are or what they do. It's in our very nature. We can't help "expecting" people to say a good word for the effort we take each day. It's what motivates us, encourages us to keep doing what we do.

But the question here is, how much of pride are we falling for each time we accept a compliment?

(I will only be dealing with one aspect of pride in this blog.)

Let's analyze the situation.

I personally believe there is always something good that you can find in a person. Any person. I also agree that not everyone is perfect. Every person, unique in their own way are good at something. 

So, in the end we can safely conclude that no matter who you are, there is always something to appreciate in you. And you can take that as a compliment. :)

If someone were to sincerely give you an unexpected compliment, how would you react? For example,  "You sing so well!" or "You are such a reliable employee here, because you work hard!". Let it be in any aspect of your life. Think of the first thing you would say. Most of the time, to avoid the awkward gap of silence that can follow, we profusely thank the person. We are much too delighted, to give a second thought about what exactly we ought to be thankful for. We might, on many an occasion complete the rest of that sentence in our heads. Was it more like, "Thank you for finally noticing that about me!" or was it " Thank you. I know I earned that compliment"?

Think of those school days, when you had to do projects to submit in class. Crazy art stuff with paper cutting and painting. For those of us, who have absolutely no interest in things like that, but at the same time desperately need the Art grade, we have family to help us out. Mothers are, in a way provided for those random school projects that we need to get done before a deadline. In the end, when your project turns out to be way better than the rest of the class and you are awarded with top grades (not to mention the envious looks from your classmates!) who gets the credit?

When we know deep inside, who it was that did all the work, we wouldn't hesitate to move away from the spotlight. We might actually feel ashamed that we didn't do enough to get all that credit for ourselves.

We are living in the age of endless social media connections. In a world where, people spend so much time 'socializing' in front of a screen in their own homes/workplaces. Each picture or status we post in our space/Wall, we do it expecting our friends and acquaintances to 'tweet', 'like' or 'comment' on it. My brother Lazarus, mentioned in his blog about our daily addiction to keep checking our smartphones for notifications (read - http://bethanytidings.blogspot.in/2014/05/likesharetweet-repeat.html)

We long for people to 'like' us. Imagine! The click of a LIKE button (whether sincerely or not) is all we ask for today to get noticed. To become recognized/appreciated. That's the height of 'falling for pride'.

So how is it with God? Why do you have to give glory to Him for something that you worked so hard for? At the finish line of a race, all you would think about are those gruesome days of your training. The endless effort that you had to take, to achieve something as great as the first place in a competition.

Think of all those weight loss programs, and imagine how many days of sweating and 'burning the fat' you have to do to get to your goal, not to mention the yummy delicacies that you have to say No to, so you would gain your prize. How does God come into your picture?

My question is, why wouldn't He be in the picture? Your very existence is proof that He is working in you. The reason why you wake up every morning, is because you didn't die in your sleep and that is only because He has not given up on you. According to His schedule for you today, you will live once more in this world.

"...Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;

    all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
   The days of my life all prepared
     before I’d even lived one day." Psalm 139:16 (MSG)

And if that isn't reason enough, listen to what Paul says to the Ephesians, "For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10 (NIV)

If you truly believe that you were saved by grace, ("For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast." Ephesians 2:8,9)  the Scripture urges us to "continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose." Philippians 2:12,13 (NIV) 

I have nothing more to add to what Apostle Paul says "....Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." 1 Corinthians 15:58 (NIV)

I have realized that quite often, I respond to compliments (out loud) with just a 'Thank You'. But I have really wished that I could have said something more. Like, "Oh! It was only because God enabled me." or maybe "It's all because of His grace." I could have easily used that opportunity to re-direct the honor to Someone who deserved it more than I did. But how can we do that without sounding so cheesy and fake? The root of that problem I have realized is the way we look at ourselves. True, in our heart of hearts, we praise God for what He has done. In the quiet of our rooms, we do shed tears of joy, while thanking Him for His mercies. So, is there any need in proclaiming it out on the streets?

That's where the Psalmist tells us, 

            "I desire to do your will, my God;your law is within my heart. I proclaim your saving acts in the great assembly; I do not seal my lips, Lord,as you know.I do not hide your righteousness in my heart; I speak of your faithfulness and your saving help. I do not conceal your love and your faithfulness from the great assembly." Psalm 40: 8-10

The crowd we respond to are not just people from our church or family. Every person we interact with, has to hear us say it.

          "Sing the praises of the Lord, enthroned in Zion;
                 proclaim among the nations what he has done." Psalm 9:11 (NIV)

And doesn't nature itself show you how to do it? 

          "The heavens declare the glory of God;
              the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Psalm 19:1 (NIV)

With absolutely no time constraints, 

               "proclaiming your love in the morning

                        and your faithfulness at night," Psalm 92:2 (NIV)

That is how and why we do it. These are but few portions from the innumerable passages in the Bible that speak of this same thing. This same concept applies to those year-end testimony meetings at church. You are truly thankful-and even if you are not-you were created for the purpose to honor and glorify your Creator. If your ego is gluing you down to your seat, then you better start praying for ways to let go of that. Remember you do not stand in a company of mere humans, but also in the presence of angels and demons alike, who watch (over) you every single day. Even as you are reading this, there are four living creatures and 24 elders worshiping the Creator incessantly. 

"And the four living creatures, each one of them having six wings, are full of eyes around and within; and day and night they do not cease to say,

“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God, the Almighty, who was and who is and who is to come.”

And when the living creatures give glory and honor and thanks to Him who sits on the throne, to Him who lives forever and ever, the twenty-four elders will fall down before Him who sits on the throne, and will worship Him who lives forever and ever, and will cast their crowns before the throne, saying, “Worthy are You, our Lord and our God, to receive glory and honor and power; for You created all things, and because of Your will they existed, and were created.” Revelations 4: 8-11(NASB)

When we realize this truth, nothing should be able to stop us from glorifying this God. 

Therefore, watch out for moments when the ball is in your court. Consider every compliment as an opportunity to shift the focus from you to Your Savior. Remember, you can convey more in a conversation like that, than on a stage preaching for hours together about how His grace works in you. Maybe that is why God chose to make you special and unique. He would love it more than anything else to see His children being complimented even on the little things -like finishing your work on time, staying physically fit, being honest to your friend etc.

Now what about being generous in giving compliments? I strongly believe that words of praise should be conveyed appropriately to a deserving person. The Bible does tell us that encouragement should not be withheld and that every effort must be made to 'build up' and not to 'put down'.

"Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing. But we request of you, brethren, that you appreciate those who diligently labor among you, and have charge over you in the Lord and give you instruction, and that you esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Live in peace with one another. We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone. 1 Thessalonians 5:11-14 (NASB)

So, is it possible to glorify God when giving compliments? Apostle Paul did that in a very fitting manner when he wrote to the Philippians,

" Every time you cross my mind, I break out in exclamations of thanks to God. Each exclamation is a trigger to prayer. I find myself praying for you with a glad heart. I am so pleased that you have continued on in this with us, believing and proclaiming God’s Message, from the day you heard it right up to the present. There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears." Philippians 1:3-6 (MSG)

Be prepared to give and receive compliments. It's better to start out small, perfect yourself in the little things, before you go out to glorify your Savior in greater things. (Matt 25:21)

Be prepared not to fall for pride, only because pride goes before another fall..

Praise God for this is the end of my lengthy blog.. :-P 

May His name alone be glorified..

#Martha

Heartbreak

Everyone has had one heartbreak. Not necessarily from a person in the opposite sex. Not just the bf gf kind-heartbreak. But just from someone who used to be very special and very close to your heart. I said "used to be" because things might never be the same between the two of you now.

I've sort of divided the post-heartbreak stages of our lives because I'm someone who has gone through many a heartbreak, And by God's grace I have been able to overcome them all even during very hard times.

I'll be talking first from the side of a person who has been hurt. I'll also be covering the same topic from the point of the person who caused the heartbreak too. The "hurter".

Medically, this can be considered as a pathological condition. As in, it can have an acute (following a crisis event. Eg: a fight) or a chronic onset (like where you just grow distant and slowly never keep in touch anymore)

Whatever the case,

There will be a:

1. Shock phase- mostly seen in the acute condition. Where u wouldn't know what to do. Or say. If its a situation where you were at fault then there definitely wouldn't be anything to say at this point. You would only end up making the person all the more angry or hurt. Remember one thing though, it's always better to shut up.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

Well maybe not an actual court of law. See, it may look like you lost the argument, but many a time when I look back into my life, I'm actually glad I never spoke back.

Most often you might be able to get out of it with your dignity intact.

I'm not saying that shutting up for every situation is going to help u. It's just that silence is a better option for Christians like us.

2. The hurt

Reality seems to set in. The memories flashback like crazy, sometimes so strong that you would start mumbling to yourself about how you could have responed. The whole conversation plays over and over again differently making you feel like an idiot - a pathetic loser. And you are soo hurt now. You don't want to talk to anyone. You would rather be alone in your room for a while.

3. Cry

Crying helps really. You feel better by the end of a 'moaning and wailing' session because you know it totally lets out all your feelings. Something I do during times like this, is take a sheet of paper and write. Just go on writing lengths and lengths about my feelings mainly addressed to God, arguing out my side of the story. This has been one of my major anger management techniques. In the end, I look at my masterpiece creation. It's a work of art. Imagine, all your sorrow, anger and bitterness poured compiled into a book of Lamentations. And then, in one dramatic move, shred them into tiny pieces to scatter in the wind (or well, just dump the whole lot into the bin). All gone. And it does work. You will definitely feel peace after this. Some prefer falling down on their knees to pray,crying their hearts out.. I prefer writing than talking because it hurts to talk (with an emotional lump so big in your throat) and also because the thoughts fly like crazy inside my head- it is hard to layer them out one by one. 

Any other ways to handle this situation ? 

Hang out with friends, yes this can help forget - temporarily. But you'll always have to battle it out on your own at some point right ?

4 Regret

This comes along usually around the same time as the hurt n crying. "Why did we become friends in the first place? Why did I love this person so much? Why did I allow the relationship to go this far?" If in a day, the time you spent talking to this person was more than even 40% of your total social time, then you'll observe that in the coming days you have a LOT of spare time. Congratulations! A lot of time to be alone, a lot of time to think and rethink the situation, play it over in your head. You might even think of solutions to get back even if your dignity is at stake just because you cannot bear the solitude and the silence. I'd like to call that a RELAPSE. Yes .. This is one of the toughest times that I've had to face.

Try keeping yourself near believers during this time. Your spiritual siblings. Even if it's a situation that they wouldn't understand completely, you should realize that you need fellowship to keep reminding you that it's not the end of the world.

5. Ego

The ego phase is when you have decided to move on to the other extreme of your character. The kind where nothing matters anymore and you don't care what's happening in that persons life although in your heart of hearts you wish for things to change. Would you want a small smile or a hi-bye kind of communication with such a person after this whole scenario? I guess the Ego phase depends on whether you have to meet this person again the next day and everyday after that. The emotion sort of aggravates if you see them anywhere around you. But shamelessly, out of the corner of your eye you notice the person is completely normal, no change what so ever. Actually because you are so hypersensitive at a time like this, you even have delusions that the person is happier now, more content. And well, it only makes u feel worse in the end.

I'll admit, it is hard for me to pretend I like someone. Ego is yet another defense mechanism that you can pick, to deal with your hurt till you are ready to face the world. Just be careful that you don't let the sun go down while you are still angry tonight. In your anger do not sin (Eph 4:26) Ask God to help you forgive. Even if you can't forget what happened- forgive. From now on, as many times as you want to be forgiven, you will have to learn to forgive too. During our hard times, all we can think of and remember are our bad times. So, try this for a change: focus on all the good. All the blessings, starting from an amazing family, provisions, spiritual wisdom, friends.. Everything one by one- I have literally counted my blessings at night till I lost count and dozed off. It works.

6. Gossips

Some people tend to retaliate with gossip. I'll admit I've done this too. Yes, i used to be a real bad person. Just so that I can get some sympathy, Some source of comfort. Yea, made the offender look like the bad guy. The most cruel person ever. Curtains close. At the end of the day, you would have set a forest on fire. Truthfully, the amount of damage that your tongue can cause is equivalent to a nuclear reactor doubling and tripling the explosions at every count. You'll never know how much disaster you would have caused with your statements,comments etc till it hits right back at u. It could take a day. It could take months. Maybe just enough time for you to forget what was it that you said. Funny part is, all along you would have been SO wrong. i learnt all this the hard way, and it is only because of God's abundant grace that i realized that His comfort was all that i ever needed. i found forgiveness at the foot of the cross and i was able to move on in life because of Jesus Christ. i always think twice before talking out loud now, because His Spirit controls me. Sooo,  

Be very careful about the words you say when you are hurt,angry and happy even.

At the height of emotions, our level of clear-headedness is zero. Never ever make promises during this time. Highly dangerous. Eg: the king Herod who was so happy on his birthday promised to offer ANYTHING to the little girl who danced in his presence. What did she ask him? Matt 14:6,7,8

Now talking it out with your spiritual mentor is different. Not mentorS. Just consult 1 person for your current problem. I have been able to find comfort in somebody just like that -It's someone who would totally understand your situation and give you support from the scripture as to how you should move on. That same person will also help you in prayer. It's best if its someone from the same sex. That's entirely my opinion. I don't have scriptural evidence for that. But I believe it is a very vulnerable time for us. Emotionally we are very weak and highly prone to attachment of any kind if we tend to share our feelings and thoughts. So it's best if it's sister-to-sister and brother-to-brother. That's all.

Remember, keeping a mentor has a side called accountability to it. If you ask a senior for support and prayers regarding something, you are actually giving her/him the right to meddle in that aspect of your life. To keep probing you and asking if everything's okay. Most people wouldn't like that. But remember, even if your mentor doesn't do all that, you are accountable to give a weekly report about how things are working out for you. She / he will be praying. So, they really need to know out of love, how you are doing. 

Now all this while, if you look back to the week after your crisis event you will realize that you would have spent a lot of time in prayer and  communion with The Lord. Which might be the only good thing that came out of all this! Most of the time, the constant praying and pleading with God, helped me forget every memory of that person and stopped me from contacting that person ( including the temptation to write an offending reply). It was enough to change me from being so dramatic and over reactive to this situation. And most of all, it kept reminding me never to expect anything from anyone. We only end up hurting ourselves more by doing so.

Now supposing u r "the Hurter",

The cause of all this. You are tired of this relationship. You feel the need to move on and you understand your priorities have changed. Or maybe it's just that you realized you will never be able to fulfill the promises that u made. Maybe circumstances are pushing you to the edge and you want to end it all so you can start over or be on your own for a while. Maybe you have been convicted about this relationship. It's taking ur time to be with The Lord. The person is only being another obstacle or a hindrance to your personal relationship with The Lord.

Just remember, there is never an easy way to say good bye. A lot of prayer is required before you deal with situations like this. If it's for the Lord and if it is so that you can come closer to the Lord- rapid action has to be taken. You cannot delay. And most often, only the radical measures work. Cutting yourself off completely. No more contact. No more last words or goodbyes. That would be like reasoning it out and creating a compromise which would bring you back to square one. I've done this. I've failed to do it too. But I've realized that it is important to lay aside everything that tangles you and stops you from growing in The Lord.

Bible examples of hurt:

Peter and Jesus.

I doubt if there's a greater example of hurt that could illustrate this. I've mentioned this part before where Jesus turned and looked straight at Peter. It's not mentioned anywhere else in the Gospels except in Luke. (22:61) because Luke got his most of his facts from Peter. It must have been the hardest thing ever for Peter to look at His face. The one with whom he spent everyday after leaving all. That would be almost 100% of his time, don't you think? They lived, walked, talked and ate together. They form an ideal example for best friends, hostel mates, unit mates all packed in one.

How did Jesus handle this hurt? Not a word. Not a single word.

No "I told u so", no display of anger and disappointment. He went on ahead with the plan and purpose for which He was sent for.

Samson and Delilah

A sad love story. Judges 16

Although there is no recorded interaction between these characters after the actual betrayal, we see that something extremely cruel. was required to bring Samson back to God. Even though it was the at the last hour.

Joseph and the cup bearer Gen 40:13,14

Joseph used to attend daily to both the chief cup bearer and the chief baker of the King of Egypt. I don't know if this should be a heartbreak. Although I do understand this as a chronic kind of one where u don't ever keep in touch , You drift away and choose to forget people who actually helped you out or once meant a lot to you.

Sometimes people say or do things that hurt you, but you have the God-given ability to love these people. None of us are excluded from depression and discouragement but we have a promise of hope in Jesus.

It can be quite normal to experience Hurt as a Christian, but there is always a way out. 
"Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." (Psalm 42:5 NIV)

I read recently in one of Joyce Meyers books that: If you've been hurt and learned to overcome it, you have a valuable tool help others. God comforts us so we can comfort others. Here's the progression: We are hurt, we allow God to heal us, and we are ready to help others. Hurt, heal, help! It's a process that can literally change your life, and the lives of many others around you. It inspired me to do this study and I hope from now, you will be able to use your broken hearts too for His glory. 

#Martha